Do You See The Light Around Me?

Having a crush is thrilling and torturous. And I think my experience in this song highlights both of these aspects. Our reactions and responses to “liking” someone are intensely personal and individual, often informed by our own insecurities, needs, and fears. When I look at someone I like, whether I want to be with them or want to be like them, I project desirable qualities and traits onto them and, for better or worse, make them the standard by which I measure myself. I see them and want to know what they see when they look at me. I question myself and they hold the answer. This can be great if feelings are mutual, but agonizing if they’re not.

But there’s a pivotal moment in the song that I think is really important. As much as this song is other focused , primarily on the person I admire, in the bridge I’m sort of able to escape the trap that I set for myself. I imagine what it would be like to disappear into a kind of spiritual cloister. To pose all the questions that I’ve been asking my crush to myself.

To seek answers from within, or at least from an immutable source. And to be satisfied in all that I am, all that I have been, and all that I can be. Once I’ve done this, I think the song becomes one of mutual joy and ecstasy. There is still a desire for the other person, but I finally and fully see myself, and all I’m doing is asking them to join me.

I wrote and recorded the demo of DYSTLAM? in a three day fever during my last semester of college. When I heard about the Singles Series I knew this would be the song for it. I went to the incredible Brad Cook with my finished demo, and instead of just trying to replicate what I had already recorded, we went back to the basics and rebuilt the track. We experimented with sounds, instruments, tempos, and structure, trying to capture the essential feeling of the song and represent that as fully as we could. He was super kind and collaborative, and he encouraged me to have fun in the studio and explore all the places the song could go both sonically and emotionally. The end result is a beautiful union of all the iterations of the track, and an invitation to the audience to find themselves in it.

-Uwade